This is a copy of Helaine’s chapter in Dimitris Bronowski’s book, “Tango Tips by the Maestros.”

The 3 Phases of Tango Man

With over 20 years as a full-time tango educator, I see the development of a tanguero's skill in three phases. As I describe these three phases, I'll also tell you what women really want from you as a Tango Man on the dance floor.

Taking the journey from Tango Childhood to Tango Manhood, successfully graduating from one phase to the next, requires commitment to training and study - commitment that is so worth it because it offers you distinct advantages:

• Completing Phase 1 will give you confidence. You won't need to be told that you're on your way to becoming a very good dancer; you'll feel it from within, with certainty! You'll also notice that your partners enjoy dancing with you more and more as you progress through the Phase 1 skills outlined below.

• Phase 2, done the second way I'll describe and recommend - the "opportunity" rather than the "risk" - will give you a sense of competence and make your partners feel wonderful when they dance with you. They may have no idea why you feel better to dance with than many of the other tangueros they know, but you'll know why!

• Phase 3 takes you into areas of mastery, mystery, beauty, and a sense of romance that tango is famous for. Mastering these skills can take the concept of "connection" to the level of "sublime." Here, your expert interpretation of the music can create a profound dialog between you and your partners, in which you skillfully invite them to co-create the improvisation with you. This kind of Intimate Dynamic Dialog is exhilarating for both partners! In Phase 3 you will learn and explore more ways to make your partners shine when they dance with you; they'll be looking for your invitation at every milonga. You will become their ideal Tango Man on the dance floor. 

In my experience as a teacher of many hundreds of tangueros, if you choose NOT to take the road to Tango Manhood here's what you can expect:

• Ignoring Phase 1 skills will keep you insecure about your dancing. You'll continue to be one of the least favorite tanda partners in your community. You'll likely consider yourself in the bottom 20% of the dancers in the room for years. If you're like many of my students before they joined my courses, you'll struggle week after week to remember the figures you were taught in classes and workshops because you'll still believe that learning more figures will make you a better dancer. "I just need to practice more" may be your hopeful solution to climbing out of this abyss. But without proper training beyond figures and even technique, you'll keep practicing your errors and etching them deeper into your muscle memory. Dance anxiety and feelings of inadequacy on the dance floor will plague you for years - until you commit to "nourishing" yourself with the critical Phase 1 tango skills.

• By ignoring the elevated Phase 2 skills (the alternative path I describe below), you risk being viewed by other dancers as a tanguero who dances for himself. If you also have gaps in your Phase 1 skills, you'll quickly become one of those menaces on the dance floor that other dancers want to avoid. Remaining focused on your own creative exploration, you can get stuck in "the Peter Pan Syndrome of Tango," staying for years in Tango Adolescence. Women may seek your connection in the embrace and not find it. You will likely be oblivious that your lead forces your partners out of balance, rushes their pivots and their steps, and makes them guess where you're asking them to go. While some tangueras will get a thrill from the variety and complexity of your steps, most will find it stressful and unsatisfying to dance with you.

• By Ignoring the Phase 3 skills, which involve mastering more advanced musicality that can quickly lead you into true co-creation with your partners, you can still dance satisfying tangos for the rest of your life. After all, mastering the skills of Tango Adolescence graduates you into Tango Manhood. You can be confident on the dance floor, love your tango life, and even be a favorite partner of many tangueras. But you'll be missing out on greater levels of intimacy, creativity, artistry, co-creation, more profound connection and communication, and even, with refinement and discretion, moments of elegant eroticism. Your musicality may be adequate or even very nice but it will never be outstanding. Your dancing may never take anyone's breath away or move your partner to tears because it speaks to her so deeply. Though you could be a very pleasant dancer with a wonderful embrace and emotional presence, you risk staying in relative mediocrity.

An important note to tangueras:   

Make sure to read this chapter because it can help you understand why some of your tandas with a tanguero feel  bad, good, or amazing. You'll recognize the reasons when you notice in which of the eight Phase 1 or later skills your partner is weak. If he's a friend who trusts you, you can suggest that he read this chapter and take the self-assessment. 

Phase 1: Tango Childhood

When a man starts learning tango, he must focus mostly on himself because he has so many new skills to learn and integrate. (Some involve increasing his awareness of his partner, but this becomes a priority in a later phase.) Here's why his short term self-focus is essential to Phase 1:

1) He must learn how to master his axis and acquire an excellent sense of balance. How can he confidently lead the woman in his embrace if he feels wobbly on his feet? [Musicality: This is where understanding a common nuance in the rhythm can enhance both your stability and your connection with your partner.]

2) He must master his tango walks, understanding especially what it means to walk with "intention," which is the tango name for the energy of walking decisively. He must know when he and his partner are walking in Parallel System (i.e., his left foot with woman's right, universally used in couple dances) and when they are walking in Crossed System, which rarely, if ever, occurs in other dances. There's no such thing as being on the wrong foot; you're just in the other system! [Musicality: If you had been in my beginner classes, you would have had to master the "micro-pause" between steps, which coincides with the rhythmic upbeat (the weak beat) in the music and lets you naturally and easily ground yourself and articulate your walk. This gives you a more powerful and elegant walk that reinforces your stability as well as your partner's.]

3) He must develop a tango embrace that's comfortable for both his partner and himself and be able to adapt his embrace to women of all shapes and sizes.

4) He must learn elementary musicality, at least the basic rhythm, pauses, and phrasing because the music we dance to is the common denominator between partners. It's the foundation of your communication. 

5) He must learn to pivot correctly, in balance. This means first understanding his natural Spiral and how to dissociate his upper from his lower body . . . while maintaining their diagonal, energetic connection. [Musicality: Between every pivot-and-walk and walk-and-pivot, articulating your tango with the micro-pause creates a foundation for pivoting in balance.]

6) He must learn how to navigate the line of dance in his classes and practicas, without bumping his partner or himself into others. [Musicality: Becoming aware of the rhythm, pauses, and phrasing in the music can facilitate your competence in smoothly navigating the line of dance, where the timing of your movements is a critical factor.]

7) He must start to build a vocabulary of a few circular, stationary figures in addition to several walks and traveling figures in Parallel and Crossed Systems, and learn to combine them in simple improvisations. [Musicality: Just becoming aware of Rhythm and Non-Rhythm is a great help in choosing tango structures to create simple yet interesting improvisations.]

8) And as he learns to lead his partners, he must always know, feeling through the embrace, on which foot his partner has her weight, and pay careful attention to how all his movements affect her. [Musicality: The music can guide you to accurately create small moments of silence that are opportunities to increase your awareness of your partner.]

At this point, our new tanguero deserves hearty applause and a carnation in his lapel for his accomplishments!

Really . . . can you imagine a guy quitting tango out of discouragement if he's feeling solid in all eight fundamental skills? I think it's unlikely because mastery of these simple basics puts a fellow on the path to being a dream to dance with, and he's going to feel that from within. 

With a good local teacher or the right supplementary training (workshops or online courses) to complement local classes, becoming competent in these eight skills can take from three months to one year. 

The tango initiate's journey to Tango Manhood is off to a great start but is far from done, as we'll see next. Once he's competent enough in the eight Phase 1 skills and has them in his muscle memory, he can begin to explore his creativity. He's entering Tango Adolescence.

Would you like to get access to the “Tango Childhood Skills Self-Assessment” so you can get a concise picture of your strong and weak areas?  

[Coming soon - the 2023 version!] Request the link to the assessment HERE, so you can take control of your progress toward Tango Manhood!

Phase 2: Tango Adolescence - the risk and the opportunity 

Once our new tanguero has become competent enough at all the basic Phase 1 skills I've just listed, he can begin to explore his own creativity with tango movement, a pleasure he can enjoy even if he started tango with no prior dance training or talent.

But if his eagerness or if his teachers lead him to explore his creativity without his having developed the solid eight basic skills, heaven help us! He'll become one of those menaces on the dance floor that other dancers want to avoid. 

The new relationship with one's creative side can be stimulating and intriguing enough to cause an obsession! That's one of the reasons so many people get hooked on tango and humorously call themselves "tango junkies." 

Our Phase 2 tanguero may want to become a figure-wizard like his teacher or like the world-class professionals he admires. Or he may choose to stay with a modest vocabulary of structures because he's looking for simple, intimate enjoyment with his tanda partners.

In both cases, he learns figures and different ways to combine them. He can then learn to deconstruct them and recombine them! This is indeed fascinating creative work. The possibilities are endless, and for some tangueros learning and exploring figures and their variations can go on for decades. 

It can be intoxicating to be making such creative choices week after week in classes and practicas, experimenting while cultivating skills of physical agility and precision.

(Or it can be torture. For my readers who currently feel fearful or inadequate in this arena, just be patient for a few short paragraphs until I tell you what skills REALLY matter in Phase 2.)

The risk

If, over time, a tanguero remains focused on his creative exploration, he can get stuck in what I call "the Peter Pan Syndrome of Tango." The "Puer aeternus," the eternal boy. This is not so healthy.

I'd like to remind our enthusiastic, intermediate-level Tango Adolescent that "it takes two to tango!" 

If I were his teacher, here's what I'd offer him next:

The opportunity - what separates the men from the boys

A higher-level, but not so glamorous, Phase 2 of a tanguero's life is about mastering the woman's axis and understanding as much as he can about HER movements. 

He must now shift his attention off himself and focus on the woman he's embracing. If he has thoroughly learned the first eight skills of Tango Childhood, he is absolutely ready to do this. (Until Tango Childhood skills are mastered, he's not prepared.)

Now that he's mastered his axis, he must master hers. He must learn to recognize how everything he does with his torso, arms, weight changes, and traveling steps affects her.

He must shift his thinking away from "What do I want to do?" to:

• "What do I want my partner to do?"

• "What's the best way to invite her to do it, so it works for my improvisation and so that she feels good doing it?", and

• "What can I do to help her feel stable, to make sure she's comfortable, to keep her safe, and make her feel safe with me?"

These are three good questions to focus on in Phase 2. (The tanguero's investigation about his partner doesn't stop here. There will be a lot more to study when he's ready for the next phase.) 

Now, each movement he makes serves to engage his partner in his improvisation - in ways that feel good to her.

His new focus supports, rather than restricts, her autonomy! His intense focus on her automatically supports greater connection, one of the biggest desires expressed by both tangueros and tangueras around the world.

The more respectful control you have over 

• your partner's axis (but don't tell her that you're doing it), 
• the precise degree of pivot or length of step you're asking of her,
• and giving her the time she needs to complete every pivot or step . . .

. . . the more you allow her the pleasure of following you easily and moving with precision, yet with a sense of freedom. Your greater control resulting in her greater freedom may seem paradoxical, but it's true! 

Your tanguera will not have to work hard to dance well when you're not unconsciously forcing her out of balance, rushing her pivots, rushing her to take a step when she hasn't finished transferring her weight, or making her guess where exactly you're asking her to go. She'll feel free to dance her best, autonomously, in balance, and with her mind and heart available to engage with you!

Now, thanks to your shifted focus and your mastery of her axis, your partner is free to enjoy how you're feeling the music and start expressing herself toward you in her dancing. 

Would that make your tandas more satisfying to you?

Mastering your partner's axis and shifting your attention off of yourself and onto her are what separate the men from the boys!  

How can you know when you've reached this milestone?

A tanguero knows within himself when he's mastered his partner's axis. He will have spent a few weeks or months being OBSESSED with sharpening his awareness of it. He will have a totally different experience on the dance floor when he's protecting and guiding her axis. He won't be able to concentrate on executing many figures - he'll need to simplify things for a while - but his tangos will go more smoothly. His partners will be more willing and even eager to dance with him. He'll become more confident because he feels in control. His lead will be more easily understood, and therefore, it will feel more successful to him.

When you shift your attention off of yourself and onto your partner and her dance, you'll know how effectively you're doing that. It's a matter of cultivating a different focus. Like when we meditate and our mind wanders to everyday things, we soon become aware that we got distracted. It is a gradual process of becoming; transitioning from adolescent to man. 

When you make a commitment to this side of Phase 2, taking care of your partner and her dance becomes more important than anything you want to do for yourself - until it is so automatic and natural to you that you're ready to move on and learn other things. You will have this powerful skill for the rest of your tango life.

To make such a shift takes conscious intention, strong desire, and self-discipline. You can ask yourself where your attention is while you're dancing. ("Oh. It was on me just now." "Yeah, it's definitely on her.") You'll know. If you're not sure, you're not there yet.

You'll know whether what you're focusing on is working. You'll perceive that your partners feel more comfortable with you. You'll feel the relaxation in their bodies and see their smiles of satisfaction and pleasure after dancing with you (or feel their smiles against your cheek). In fact, they may tend to snuggle up to you more when they feel this secure because you feel so good to dance with. You can feel their trust!

In the fulfillment of the higher-level Phase 2, a Tango Adolescent moves on to Phase 3 and enters Tango Manhood.

Phase 3: Tango Manhood - The Intimate Dynamic Dialog

Living your Tango Manhood makes tango a deeper and more intriguing, provocative, fulfilling, and joyful experience for you and your partners. It means you can create with them a genuinely intimate and dynamic dialog.

In my two decades of teaching tango, I've discovered that the fastest, most reliable vehicle to mastering this level of Tango Manhood is Tango Musicality.

When you've successfully completed Tango Childhood and Adolescence, here's what you will have attained and how Tango Musicality has already been working for you:

• You're easily moving solidly, in balance, giving yourself and your partner time to be grounded with every step and every pivot. Your grounding coincides with the micro-pause that the weak beat (upbeat) gives you between the strong beats (downbeats) in the music. In this way, you are naturally articulating your tango.

• You understand the phrasing of the music and recognize when the rhythmic instrument provides the opportunity to create intervals of stillness. You use these intervals to intensify your presence with your partner, enhancing your connection with her.

• You are dancing calmly in the line of dance, respectful of the whole community that's with you on the dance floor. This gives your partner a sense of safety so she can relax. Your awareness of the phrasing in the music gives your floorcraft more certainty.

• Your dancing respects and protects your partner's axis. Confident of your Phase 1 basic skills, you've shifted your attention off of yourself and onto her, further opening the door to connection.

• You enjoy improvising to the music, whether your vocabulary of figures and walks is large or small. Your improvisation has begun to include creating space for your partner's expression at points in the music you know are ideal. If she doesn't use the brief spotlight you give her, you are happy to use that time just to be present with her. 

Now, it's time to take your attention to your partner to the next level by elevating her role to co-creator of the improvisation. 

When you understand the specific opportunities the music gives you to invite her to dialog with you, if she is ready to co-create, she'll rise to the occasion and engage with you fully in the Intimate Dynamic Dialog. 

If she's not ready, she'll feel respected and even cherished by your attention at moments when the music inspires it. Even if she doesn’t embellish, you may still be giving her the tango of her dreams through the quality of your attention when the music invites intimacy and dialog.

Tangueros who are figure-centric or feel compelled to step on every melodic note as if it were a rhythmic beat don't give her the slightest opportunity for her personal expression. 

So if you knowledgeably create opportunities for your partners' expressive participation, which they may be craving at every milonga, you can become the Tango Man of their dreams, and they'll always be eager for your invitation. They'll love being your improvisational co-creator, and they'll feel the freedom (within the structure that you competently provide) to let their Womanliness engage with your Tango Manhood. 

You've arrived at a new level of tango mastery. You've had many intriguing adventures and magical moments with your partners along your journey from Tango Childhood to this place. If you want, you can see this point of mastery as a new beginning. Your exploration of the music and the possibilities for emotional or artistic dialog with your partners can keep unfolding. Because, as you recognized even when you were a tango beginner, the potential for learning and growth tango offers us never ends.

The Next Steps on your Tango Manhood journey

Remember that until your Tango Childhood skills are solid, I wouldn't consider you ready yet to shift your attention off of yourself and onto your partner, nor to engage in an Intimate Dynamic Dialog with her. Give yourself the time you need to develop the skills that will give you confidence from within and deep satisfaction. 

Today I've given you a clear outline for how to build that foundation - the same path that has brought tango success, confidence, and fulfillment to hundreds of my students. 

Countless tangueros from around the world have confided in me that they have been practicing tango for years and even after investing in scores of private lessons or regularly attending workshops, they feel that they are going in circles, hardly progressing, and still clueless about what's missing in their dance. 

You are not clueless. And coming soon: the 2023 Tango Childhood Self-Assessment (you can request it HERE in the “Let’s Get in Touch” box). If you discover that all your Phase 1 skills are strong, you can then see where you stand in relation to my Phase 2 and Phase 3 descriptions above. You are ready to start moving forward with clarity and intention to become nothing less than the dancer you want to be!

Wherever you are right now on your journey, you'll need a competent teacher who has successfully guided many others to Tango Manhood.

Behind all my teaching is my driving belief about the masculine role in tango (yet it’s largely about women!):

• A tanguero can create a safe container for women's feminine artistry to bloom on the dance floor . . . in an intimate dialogue with him. Many women crave this expression in their tango lives, even if they don't articulate it. 
• In giving this gift to women, he fulfills an important part of his masculinity. 
• He recognizes that tango music itself guides him with clarity to lead that masculine/feminine dialogue.
• Through his competent interpretation of the music, he knowledgeably offers space for her expression and for greater connection with him.

My musicality learning system, “Tango Musicality Mojo,” with its innovative processes and multimedia practice tools, gives tangueros the foundation to competently fulfill this masculine role. 

You can learn about my “4-Step Framework for Analytical Tangueros - How to use your analytical gifts to make women happy on the dance floor, tanda after tanda” by REGISTERING HERE for my masterclass. It's 75 minutes of learning and you can choose your time.

Contact me in the way that's most comfortable for you so that we can identify your best next steps and decide together whether I'm the right teacher for you, and you're the right student for me, and/or whether one of my online courses is perfect for you right now. 

[Coming soon!] The free, 2023 “Tango Childhood Skills Self-Assessment.” Be one of the first to receive the new version by asking us to send you the link as soon as it’s ready.  Send us your request and contact information in the “Let’s Get in Touch” box HERE. If you are confident that you are way beyond Tango Childhood, you can request the Advanced Self-Assessment.

Right now, you have everything you need to take control of your progress toward Tango Manhood!

Un abrazo grande and good tangos!

HELAINE 

P.S. Sign up here for my FREE Masterclass for ANALYTICAL TANGUEROS. 

About Helaine

Helaine Treitman has danced Argentine Tango since 1994 and taught tango as her full-time profession since 2001. She is a dancer of close-embrace, Salon Style Tango and lives half-time in Buenos Aires, where she teaches a limited number of Tango Musicality & Improvisation Retreats each year for individuals and small groups. 

Helaine's expertise is tango musicality. She created the comprehensive and revolutionary "Tango Musicality Mojo™" system and online course, with its detailed notation system and innovative musicality tools. Her musicality students and graduates are becoming the most fulfilled and desirable dancers in their communities. They're super confident and relaxed on the dance floor, and they're in love with their tango lives. Helaine has also developed systems for mastering foundational tango skills, tango improvisation, dancing stress-free in crowded milongas, and how to have unshakable tango confidence. Her "Tango Improvisation Mastery™" series of online courses has hundreds of members in more than 30 countries around the world.